Sunday

When Are You Due?

I had someone ask me this today. Normally, if I weren't pregnant, that question wouldn't have bothered me...even if I'd just had a child.

Today, though, it nearly brought me to tears. The words where right there. I fought so hard not to scream them. "I'm supposed to be!!" "I WAS!" It took everything for me to not break down. Everything.

And so ends my silence. Everything happened at once. We were moving. I had a new life inside of me. We were about to finish our move. I lost that life. My baby went to be with Jesus. I kept focusing on the move and didn't deal with our loss. We moved to a new place. I had to unload a truck. Needed to start schooling the kids again. Had to find a place to live. Couldn't deal with our loss.

Couldn't? Or didn't?

When our car broke down the other day & I cried uncontrollably for 2 hours, I knew it wasn't because of the car. It was because I had lost another baby, and I hadn't dealt with our loss. I kept pushing it down because I was busy, and that was easier.

I didn't blog because I didn't know what to say. I was hurt. Blogging about it meant dealing with it. And I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to feel the pain. Because that was easier.

I could be superficial on Twitter & Facebook. I couldn't be superficial here. This blog...this is my heart. And my heart is broken.

31 comments:

Linny Best said...

Praying for you Amy...hang in there you are strong...I never know why things this happen, but He promises we will be able to handle it, that's just so hard to understand.

Amy said...

Thank you, Linny.

Dad said...

Iam so sorry Amy.

Laura K. said...

Sadness. Again, sorry for this loss. <3

Anonymous said...

Hugs. Sara

Bronwen Llewellyn said...

Sorry about your news. Your blog layout is very nice, and I love the pics.

(Facebook)

Amy said...

Thank you, Bronwen.

Kisha Russell said...

I'm so sorry to hear about. PCOS is NOT a fun thing. I'll be praying you can find a doctor that can work w/ you! I feel your sorrow. Again, I'm so sorry!

(Facebook)

Christina Brock said...

Well, Amy, we mourn with you. Rest in Jesus..love, Chris

(Facebook)

Dawn Taylor said...

I'm so sorry ~ I'm praying

(Facebook)

Jeffrey Ward said...

May His infinite love give you peace. You guys are in my thoughts.

(Facebook)

Jeana Adams DeLozier said...

Praying for you Amy....

(Facebook)

Ruth Ann Warnock said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family so sorry to hear you are going through this

(Facebook)

Jay Paterson said...

With you, Amy ... in thought and prayer. †††

(Facebook)

Jaci Duffina said...

Amy, you are in my prayers.

(Facebook)

Heather Noah said...

Amy, I'm so sorry.

(Facebook)

Melody Malone James said...

I'm so sorry Amy...big hugs...

(Facebook)

Andrea Ledbetter said...

Sorry to hear that Amy. Take care of yourself.

(Facebook)

Amanda Henshaw said...

I am so sorry to hear that Amy. Big love coming your way....

(Facebook)

Stephanie Roberts Townsend said...

Praying for you hon.

(Facebook)

Sara Tice Goodenough said...

So sorry to hear that Amy! Praying for you as well!

(Facebook)

Stephanie Smith Barnes said...

I am so sorry. Praying for you.

(Facebook)

Linda Murphy Meahl said...

So sorry for your loss!

(Facebook)

Diann Colburn Spencer said...

I'm so sorry for you, Amy! I will be praying!

(Facebook)

Jason Taylor said...

Amy, my heart breaks with you. My wife and I went through this pain in the fall. Our prayers are with you, my friend.

(Facebook)

Reba Townsend said...

so sorry to hear this you are in my prayers

(Facebook)

Jodi Moore said...

Praying for you (((hugs))).

(Facebook)

Mary Parker said...

I'm sorry, Amy.

(Facebook)

Melissa White said...

I will pray for you.

(Facebook)

Janice Fitzpatrick said...

Don't know what to say but May God put His arms around you as only He can do through this hard time. Hugs. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Amy. Lord mend Amy's aching heart and help her in her time of need in Jesus name.

(Facebook)

Amy said...

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers.

 
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