I know you've heard that saying, "When it rains, it pours".
It's easy for me to try & get stressed out in these times. I try to rush and grab control of the situation QUICK before things get further out of hand. It's actually quite comical to see me attempting to take control of an uncontrollable situation. I'm stubborn, I'm persistent, and I LOVE feeling like I have control over a situation.
That's just the thing, though. It's just a "feeling". Often when I think I've gained control over a situation I later realized I was completely helpless. I had no control over anything. I may have felt like I did, but I didn't.
This is something I constantly struggle with. If you're not someone who likes to feel like they have control over a situation so they can know what to expect then you won't fully understand how hard faith can be for some people. It is really hard at times to have faith and trust God. Having faith, trusting God...that means surrendering control to someone else. It means handing control completely over to God and acknowledging that I have none...and THAT...is hard. Very hard.
My life has been a testament of faith over the past 1 1/2 years. There was a time when I didn't know what tomorrow held for my marriage. There was time when I didn't know what tomorrow held for my husband's job. We moved to Nevada, and I didn't know where we would live. I've miscarried babies, and not known why...or had doctors willing to find out why. I've known the end was close for our car, yet we didn't have the money to buy another. I've had plans changed at the last minute more times than I can count. I've had to trust God and have faith that He knew what was best. He knew what was going on, and I just needed to follow the new plan we'd been given. I've had to explain to others, who were less than patient (& even very upset) at the changes, that we truly couldn't stop the change. It happened. It is what it is. Please, join us in trusting God. Their lack of support didn't make it any easier.
I finally started dealing with the loss of my babies last week after pushing my feelings down in business for weeks. We knew the answer for Gary's job. We had gotten through the move. We'd made it to Nevada. We'd found a house. We were meeting friends. We had the money to fix our car. Life was getting better, much more manageable, I felt much more in control of the situation.
It's funny that every time I start to feel like I have gained control of a situation, I lose it. We all got sick, one after another. We found out our car had met her end. And we still didn't have the money to buy another, but God promised to provide. We don't know how, but we know God will provide.
I am struggling with having faith right now that He will provide. I KNOW He will, but because I don't know how, I feel like I need to do...something. I don't know what. There's nothing I can do. Yet I know God will provide. And thus the struggle continues. I KNOW God will provide, but I will feel better if I can find a way to control the situation myself. Will I ever learn?