Wednesday

The Children's Manifesto

Forget The Communist Manifesto. I've discovered something far more dangerous; The Children's Manifesto.
We, the kids, resolve the following:
  1. We will not clean up after ourselves after a meal. We will be consistent at every meal so that they know we're serious.
  2. We will not clean our bathroom mirrors, counters, toliet, bathtub, or floor. We are not paying for this house. We don't buy the cleaners. Why should we clean up the mess; even if its ours? We're kids. We should be having fun not worrying about messes.
  3. Should we spill something, we will first attempt to blame our 4th sibling "Not Me". If this fails, we will then attempt to blame the cat. Whether or not our attempts at blaming others are successful, we will NOT clean up said mess. If we do clean up said mess, then it could be construed that we are accepting blame for said mess which would send a mixed message.
  4. To summarize, our general stance on cleaning is that we do not do any cleaning. Under any circumstances. Experience has shown that if we do it once, they will then know that we have the skill and will expect us to do it again. We do NOT want to set that type of precedent! That could be VERY dangerous!
  5. We will not, under any circumstances do our math. We readily accept that we will need to add and subtract as adults. We already know this skill. We might even have to multiply or divide. We'll use a calculator anyway so does it really matter if we actually know how to do this ourselves? Geometry? We know our shapes. Anything else is unnecessary unless we plan to be math teachers...and why on EARTH would we want to teach math and subject other children to something so useless as THAT?
  6. If we are mad at a sibling, we can hit them if they're sitting right next to us in the car because we can call it an accident since we're sitting so close. You and the parent(s) in the car will both know that it wasn't an accident. It doesn't matter. You're sitting so close together that they won't be able to prove your guilt.
  7. We are always to behave like perfect, polite children when we are in public. NO EXCEPTIONS! This is the ONLY way that we will be able to convince people that our parents are crazy when they tell their friends that we have disobeyed!
  8. This is the manifesto held in many houses throughout our great nation. It is IMPERATIVE that parents not be made aware of its existence. If they should become aware, households nationwide could be thrown upside down as parents figure out what we've been up to and work to destroy our plan.

Disclaimer (because I got caught when my daughter read the blog): This manifesto has absolutely nothing to do with my kids nor their behavior. This manifesto comes from having watched OTHER people's children. My children are perfect and would never act in such a manner nor would they plot in such a manner against their parents. Ever. I don't know why people would think that such a thing was written in jest after having observed my own children. I never write bad things about my children. No good mother would. (A blogger might, but being a good mother ALWAYS trumps being a good blogger who blogs about her imperfect children and their imperfections. Ahem. Right?)

10 comments:

Becky Baker said...

Loved it Amy ;) It is good to smile at 4 in the morning.....

Amy said...

Glad you enjoyed it. :-)

Lizette Alicea said...

So, when is Not Me born? As soon as they learn how to say his name? I just want to be ready for when he becomes one of children too.

(Facebook)

Amy said...

Exactly, Lizette. Usually Not Me is born around the time they're able to take a cookie from the cookie jar when you're not looking. The moment you ask the child with cookie on his face who got into the cookie jar, Not Me is born.

Vanessa Smith said...

LOVE IT!

(Facebook)

Erin aka Conscious Shopper said...

I laughed so hard at #7. My children exactly

Amy @ Thoughts of THAT Mom said...

I'm convinced they do it on purpose! I suppose we can't complain because they ARE behaving in public. Sometimes, though, I wonder where that perfect child hit when we get in the car or get home!

Becky Baker said...

I noticed your daughter was reinforcing the manifesto with using her calculator LOL!! Can't remember the number it was on the manifesto. :D

(Facebook)

Amy @ Thoughts of THAT Mom said...

That she was, Becky. That she was.

Wile Preston said...

I always knew there was something going on I was not privy to.

 
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