Here are some recent conversations that have taken place at our house:
Mom (That would be me, but it's so much more fun to talk about yourself in 3rd person isn't it? Anyways...)Or there's this one:
Mom: Who spilled nearly half the box of Rice Krispies on the kitchen floor and didn't pick them up?
Kirstie: Not me (Uh. Oh. This is sounding eerily familiar...)
Whitney: It wasn't me.
Trey: I'll need to plead the 7th.
Mom: The 7th?
(Oldest daughter leans over and whispers into her brother's ear.)
Trey: I mean the 5th.
Mom: Ah. I see. Why would that be?
Trey: Mom! The Constitution protects me from having to admit that I did something wrong!
Mom: Sigh. (Can you really argue when it's clear they are at least learning what you've been teaching them in school? Frankly, I thought it was a brilliant defense.) Okay, dear future attorney of mine. Go pick up the Rice Krispies off the floor.
Mom: Do you really want to argue with me on this? How's this one? The Lord told me that YOU are the child who is to pick up the Rice Krispies off of the floor, and the Bible says to honor your mother and your father. The Bible ALWAYS trumps the Constitution in our house!
Trey: (Sighs then walks off to pick up the Rice Krispies.)
Son: I want a .38 for Christmas.Remember that gun he wanted? Now let's talk about the Sasquatch...
Dad: You mean the gun?
Son: Yeah! Like the revolving type with the snobby nose that you want!
Mom: I thought you wanted Webkinz.
Son: I DO! I want Webkinz AND a .38 revolving gun.
Mom: (The party-pooper of the bunch. Apparently.) I'm fairly certain that you can't own a revolver at 8, son.
Son: I read the Constitution! It doesn't say ANYTHING about how old I have to be! It just says I have the right to own a gun! So I want one for Christmas!
Mom: You're not getting a gun for Christmas.
Son: Then you're violating my Constitutional rights.
Mom (to Dad): This one's yours. I'm out of ideas here. (And again, I'm actually quite impressed with his understanding of the Constitution. That's what we get for raising Constitutionalists, I guess.)
Son: Dad, when can we go hunting?And have I mentioned the speedy trial by his PEERS yet? Ahem. I am more convinced now than ever that God has called this child to be an attorney.
Dad: I'm not sure son. We'll have to see if we can work something out.
Son: Well it has to be after Christmas.
Dad: Oh yeah? Why?
Son: Because then I'll have my gun and can shoot sasquatch.
Dad: I'm fairly certain the government doesn't issue hunting tags for sasquatch. Especially not with a .38...
Son: Well! If they give me any problems, I'll just remind them that I have the Constitutional right to shoot sasquatch!
Dad: I guess I missed that part in the Constitution.
Son: Well why would they tell you that you can have guns if you can't use them to kill sasquatch! That's just dumb!
Mom: (Sits on the bed amused at the conversation taking place. And doing my best to stay out of it. Because truthfully, I don't remember what the Constitution says about sasquatch, but I do know that my son makes a lot of sense!)
Mom: Son! You left the milk out on the counter again! It's been here all day! You're going to have to pay $4 to replace it!What's sad is that I'm fairly certain my son has a better handle on the Constitution than most of those in charge of upholding it do.
Son: What about my trial?
Mom: Come again?
Son: My trial! The Constitution says I get a trial with a bunch of my peers deciding if your discipline is okay or not.
Mom: (Trying desperately not to snicker.) Son. That didn't mean that you got a trial every time you disobeyed and your parents disciplined you.
Son: It doesn't specify WHAT it's for! If you're going to punish me, then I want a trial by my peers!
Mom: Okay then. (yells upstairs) GIRLS!!! Come down here please!
Son: Why are you calling them?
Mom: When you're a kid, your siblings are your peers.
Son: GREAT! I don't have a CHANCE!! (And he didn't.)