Monday

We Fight aka A Valentine's Day Special

Doesn't that sound all nice & "lovey"?  We fight.  We have disagreements.  Yup.  That's our dirty little marriage secret.

Fights, disagreements...they happen in EVERY marriage.  There have also been the occasional times when I have felt like throwing my husband out the window.  I know he's felt the same about me.  (Especially when I'm hormonal.  Thankfully, he knows better than to point that out when I am, though...)

What leaves us free to fight?  Free to disagree?  Free to occasionally feel like we want to throw the other out the window? 

We're not going anywhere. We both know that a fight or disagreement doesn't equal divorce.  It doesn't mean the other wants to leave or that the love is gone. 

And there is comfort in that.

Don't get me wrong.  We're not having "knock-down drag-outs" every day.  Or...um...ever?  But we do disagree.  We're two different people of two different genders.  We won't agree on everything.  But that doesn't mean we don't love each other.  It doesn't mean we don't want to be together.  It just means that although we love each other, we're two different people and as such, won't always agree.

Now, we have had our tough times.  Our trials.  We've come to a point where a decision had to be made.  Do we say that this difficulty equals impossibility?  Or do we say that this will be difficult, but that it CAN be done?  We CAN restore our marriage...and make it better than it was before.  Thankfully, we both chose the later.  We chose to face the difficulties head-on.  To deal with them.  So that we could move through them, and eventually past them.  It wasn't easy.  It was very hard.  VERY hard.  But it was worth it.

My heart breaks for so many today.  So many who no longer have marriages because one or both of them chose to NOT face the difficulty.  They chose to believe that difficulty means impossibility.  They chose to not stick around to see that although it would have most definitely been difficult, it would have most likely been possible to restore their marriage.

What saddens me more is the expectation so many have of marriage.  They have this misunderstanding that marriage will be all lilies and roses.  That if you are "meant" to be married then you won't fight.  You won't disagree.  Things will always be peaches and cream.  And, well...that's not reality.  But because that's what so many expect, they never try.  Marriages are never given a chance to survive because too many don't have a realistic view of marriage. 

Here's reality:  Marriage is HARD.  You will not always agree.  You WILL fight sometimes.  There WILL be times when you want to run from the room screaming or throw your spouse out the window.  But...you CAN learn to communicate.  You CAN learn how to work through disagreements.  You CAN build a STRONG marriage that survives. 

Years ago, we went to a Family Life marriage conference.  I remember them saying, "It's not IF you will fight because you will.  It's HOW you fight."  My how those words ring true.  You WILL disagree.  You just need to learn how to do it.

This coming June, we will have been married for 14 years, together for 16.  I can honestly say that I don't regret even the tough times (which were very, very tough) because it's those times that have grown us as people and have made our marriage what it is today.  I love you, babe.

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