I'm Back!

Okay. I admit it. I’m not perfect. Stop snickering. I know YOU knew that. Sometimes, however, I forget that. I think we all have that problem to some extent. We all desire perfection; even though we know we’ll never achieve it.

I have been trying like mad to be “perfect” in many areas. It’s quite a difficult load to carry. Please. Trust me on this one. You do NOT want to find out yourself!

This week, our city will begin picking up yard waste from the side of the road in preparation for the “blessed” Tulip Time. The entire city practically shuts down normal operations for Tulip Time. And every yard should be near perfect (or so my neighbors tell me as they also strive for perfection). Every yard will also preferably have tulips; especially if you live in the older parts of town…or just smack down in the middle of town. We’re not quite in the middle, but we’re pretty close.

Not taking into account the snow that is forecast for tonight, we’ve been experiencing a bit of spring. While that has been a tremendous help as we clean up our yard and prepare to plant our garden, it has also meant that we open up the house again. We have an air conditioner, but we never use it here. We’re very blessed in that the people here consider 85 to be scorching. We’re from Oklahoma where 85 is a rather cool early spring or late fall day. It’s nothing to us. So we let God air-condition our house. Which means I also have to spring clean. There again, comes my desire for perfection.

We recently got a bunk bed for our girl’s room and are converting another room in our house to a sewing/craft/reading room. Basically, it will be a school room with extended purpose. My sewing table will be right by a window looking out upon our back yard and that of our neighbors for easy viewing of the kids during the summer. Again, nothing less than perfection…and as quickly as possible, please…will do.

I also have a blog on which I write (that would be THIS blog), a forum I moderate, and I do some freelance writing. Again…perfection. Isn’t it ironic, however, that when we strive for perfection in everything we end up failing miserably in most of our endeavors?

I am also a homeschooling mom. I expect perfection out of myself there as well. The problem is that perfection in homeschooling is not perfection per say, but that the children have actually acquired the knowledge of the studied subject before they move on. When things do not go on schedule for whatever reason (sickness, not “getting it” the first time, unexpected things in life happening, etc), I get frustrated. Not with the kids, mind you; but with myself.

I could go on. It’s really a quite pathetically long list. I’ll spare you the rest.

Wow. I think I need to be redeemed from my desire for perfection. The irony is that I don’t expect those around me (my kids, my husband, or my friends) to be perfect. Yet I expect perfection from myself? There’s no logic to it. I know this. Yet I still desire it. The problem with perfection is that if (when) you don’t achieve it, you can become easily overwhelmed. I have done that. On MANY occasions. Perfection also doesn’t want to take into account kids being sick, a husband being sick, or (my favorite) ME being sick. Heaven forbid I NOT be perfect when I am vomiting! Yet that logic didn’t seem to phase me. I had absolutely NO problem with my kids or husband having down time when they were sick. Me? Absolutely not! I’m mom. I must still be perfect. I know. It’s laughable.

I’ve been gone from my blog for over a week & a half, but I have also made some decisions upon reflecting in the past couple of days. I will have one (maybe two) days when I won’t write for my blog. I may have guest bloggers from time to time, but for now, those days will simply be a day of rest. After 5 years of blogging, I need some balance.

I am praying for redemption from my perfection and working to find balance before I hit a busy summer…again. I’ve dealt with this before. I constantly deal with it. When I didn’t achieve perfection (who can?), I just stressed. That does no one any good. I believe Jesus even spoke some of that when he said, “Who of you by worrying can add even one day to your life?” Now, finally, I am addressing the problem head-on, “Hi. My name is Amy. I am addicted to perfection…and failing miserably.”

Thanks for indulging me and for understanding my absence.


1 comment:

Cynthia said...

I've been striving for more balance as well, but part of my balancing act involves more often blogging because my kids (especially the one who has already moved out) really enjoy it when I blog! And, it helps me make sure I record memories that would otherwise be long forgotten by the time I get around to scrapbooking this year.