Flushing: Just DO IT!

I don't ever remember struggling to flush when I was growing up. You walked in, did your business, flushed, and waved it all goodbye. (Okay, so I didn't actually wave, but work with me here.)

It was a simple process that required little time or thought. You push down a little handle and WOOSH everything is sucked into the little hole & is gone. It's simple. So easy. Or so I thought.

Several years later, I had children. Said children apparently lack the toilet-flushing gene. I'm not quite sure how this happened as both their father and I flush after every job as do our parents...and grandparents. Perhaps it skips several generations? Or maybe my children are just pioneers at heart. Yeah. That's it. That's what I'll tell myself to sleep at night.

I've heard the ludicrous saying, “If it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow”. That statement was written by a child attempting to justify his or her lack of the flushing gene. I don't care WHAT color it is, I just want it flushed!

In our house, it doesn't matter WHAT color it STARTED as, it ends up covered by a white mound. (I've become firmly convinced through detailed research in my own house that the lack of a flushing gene is often accompanied by the belief that any job...EVERY job...of any color requires at LEAST a roll of toilet paper. At least. More is better, though.) People wonder why we coupon. It's so we can afford the gold...I mean toilet paper we must buy in such great quantity that the cashiers are convinced I either have 20 children or a family with severe bowel disorders.

It's so bad at our house that our plunger is begging us not to take him with us to Vegas. Yes. Our plunger has a personality. Why? Doesn't yours? When you use your plunger as much as we use ours, it becomes a valued member of your family. So valued, that he's DEATHLY afraid of continuing on in our presence. We found a note on our toilet a week ago from our plunger. It included a Menard's ad with a sale plunger circled with “BUY ME PLEASE” written above the picture. It's sad when your plunger would rather freeze in Michigan than go with your family to warm Vegas. Yes. It's THAT bad.

My children DO know how to operate a toilet. They are PERFECT at doing so ELSEWHERE! However, it appears as if the toilet-flushing gene disappears when they walk in our front door.

Several times, I've been seconds away from purchasing old Sears' catalogs at our local thrift store or saving the leaves we rake from the yard. Perhaps if they wiped like their grandparents used to then they'd think twice about wasting our gold...ahem...toliet paper.

We've pondered several solutions.

We could give them a “ration” of toilet paper for the month. Once THEIR ration is gone, then they get to use the Sears' catalog or leaves (their choice). I know. We're too kind.

If they don't flush, we could make them use a bucket outside for the rest of the day. Somehow I think that solution would be MUCH more effective in a Michigan winter than a Vegas anything, though.

For some reason, our children don't find our ideas humorous. Yet they still aren't flushing...

I have a word for my dear children. If you don't start using less toilet paper and flushing said toilet paper SOON...a Sears' catalog and/or leaves may be in your very near future.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My kids don't flush at home either. Yours, however, do flush at my house! :-)