I had someone ask me this today. Normally, if I weren't pregnant, that question wouldn't have bothered me...even if I'd just had a child.
Today, though, it nearly brought me to tears. The words where right there. I fought so hard not to scream them. "I'm supposed to be!!" "I WAS!" It took everything for me to not break down. Everything.
And so ends my silence. Everything happened at once. We were moving. I had a new life inside of me. We were about to finish our move. I lost that life. My baby went to be with Jesus. I kept focusing on the move and didn't deal with our loss. We moved to a new place. I had to unload a truck. Needed to start schooling the kids again. Had to find a place to live. Couldn't deal with our loss.
Couldn't? Or didn't?
When our car broke down the other day & I cried uncontrollably for 2 hours, I knew it wasn't because of the car. It was because I had lost another baby, and I hadn't dealt with our loss. I kept pushing it down because I was busy, and that was easier.
I didn't blog because I didn't know what to say. I was hurt. Blogging about it meant dealing with it. And I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to feel the pain. Because that was easier.
I could be superficial on Twitter & Facebook. I couldn't be superficial here. This blog...this is my heart. And my heart is broken.
Sunday
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31 comments:
Praying for you Amy...hang in there you are strong...I never know why things this happen, but He promises we will be able to handle it, that's just so hard to understand.
Thank you, Linny.
Iam so sorry Amy.
Sadness. Again, sorry for this loss. <3
Hugs. Sara
Sorry about your news. Your blog layout is very nice, and I love the pics.
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Thank you, Bronwen.
I'm so sorry to hear about. PCOS is NOT a fun thing. I'll be praying you can find a doctor that can work w/ you! I feel your sorrow. Again, I'm so sorry!
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Well, Amy, we mourn with you. Rest in Jesus..love, Chris
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I'm so sorry ~ I'm praying
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May His infinite love give you peace. You guys are in my thoughts.
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Praying for you Amy....
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my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family so sorry to hear you are going through this
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With you, Amy ... in thought and prayer. †††
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Amy, you are in my prayers.
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Amy, I'm so sorry.
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I'm so sorry Amy...big hugs...
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Sorry to hear that Amy. Take care of yourself.
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I am so sorry to hear that Amy. Big love coming your way....
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Praying for you hon.
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So sorry to hear that Amy! Praying for you as well!
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I am so sorry. Praying for you.
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So sorry for your loss!
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I'm so sorry for you, Amy! I will be praying!
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Amy, my heart breaks with you. My wife and I went through this pain in the fall. Our prayers are with you, my friend.
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so sorry to hear this you are in my prayers
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Praying for you (((hugs))).
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I'm sorry, Amy.
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I will pray for you.
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Don't know what to say but May God put His arms around you as only He can do through this hard time. Hugs. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Amy. Lord mend Amy's aching heart and help her in her time of need in Jesus name.
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Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers.
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