You can thank me on Thursday when your turkey is fully thawed (or close).  If you haven't yet, do this immediately:

• Stop Reading.  Wait.  Scratch that.  Perhaps you should KEEP reading until the other steps are done.  Yeah.  That's probably best.
• Walk over to your freezer.
• Pull out the big, frozen dead bird loaded with mind-numbing tryptophan.  (Sounds appetizing, doesn't it?)
• Place said bird in your fridge.
• Smile when you open your fridge on Thursday morning.

Why are you still reading?  Go ahead and do it!  Now!  It's okay.  I'll wait.

(Insert Jeopardy music...)

Done?  Good.  Now, before I give you the emergency Turkey Talk numbers, let's talk Black Friday reality.

A friend said to me today that she planned to hit Target first thing on Black Friday.  She only had an hour to get in, grab her stuff, check out, & get home.  Umm.  Not gonna happen.  (I may have even laughed at her a little.  Okay.  A lot.  In love, of course.)

Again...it ain't gonna happen!  There is no "quick" anything on Black Friday.  There will be a long line to get into the store.  Once you're in the store, there will be hoards of people trying to find their deal items.  There will then be people upon people upon people in line waiting to check out (many of whom have friends out doing the shopping while they wait in line).  2-by-2 is a good strategy for Black Friday.  Once you've paid, there will be the cars.  Lots and lots of cars in the parking lot.  In other words, it's gonna take awhile.

So be prepared.  

Oh!  I almost forgot!  If you have a "turkey emergency" on Thursday you need to know who to call!  Calls are free and they are more than happy to help you: 

•  Butterball Turkey Hotline
• (800)Butterball (288-8372)
• 7 am – 7 pm on Thanksgiving Day
• Tweet them at  www.Twitter.com/Butterbal
• They are known as the most turkey-friendly hotline (Which is a little ironic, don't you think?)
• Foster Farms Turkey Hotline
• (800)255-7227 (select "1" at prompt)
• 24 hours a day; including Thanksgiving Day
• USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline
• (888)674-6854 (select “1″ and then “0″ at prompts)
• 10:00 am – 4:00 pm EST on Thanksgiving Day
• Perdue Consumer Help Line
• (800)4-Perdue (73-7383)
• 7am-3pm EST on Thanksgiving Day
• Turkey Confidential (A call-in radio show)
• (800)537-5252
• 1am-1pm on Thanksgiving Day

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving!