Why I Will Never Make a "Good" Recipe

The way to guarantee that I will never make your recipe on All Recipes is to classify it as the "Best Ever" or the "Most Outrageous" or "Tasty".  Putting those words on the recipes implies that the end result MUST be good.

What happens if it's not?

I could just be normal and say the recipe was crap and was never good in the first place; let alone the "Best Ever".  I could say that by "Most Outrageous" you actually meant...worst recipe anyone would ever make.  I could assume that when you said "Tasty" you meant to the neighborhood dog.

The that I have issues.  Normal has never come close to describing me.  If the "Best Ever", "Most Outrageous", and "Tasty" recipe came out bad then I would assume that I had made a mistake.  This assumption would confirm that I am the worst cook ever in the history of cooking.  My self-esteem would take a nose-dive. 

Look.  I said I have issues.  I don't kid about such things.

If you want me to try your recipe, label it as "Horrible", "Tasteless", "Bland", or "The Worst Recipe Ever".  This almost GUARANTEES that I will try your recipe.

If I manage to make the end result edible, then I feel GREAT!  I took something that was horrible and made it edible.  Talk about an ego booster!

And FYI:  If you tell me in the recipe that I "may NOT" make substitutions or that "no substitutions" are allowed, you have GUARANTEED that I WILL substitute.  Just because I can.  So take THAT!  I don't EVER follow a recipe exactly as written so why would I allow you to DEMAND that I not substitute?  Psh!

What?  Don't look at me like that!  I TOLD you I have issues!  One of those issues happens to be over-analyzing recipes.  And not doing what I'm told.  And changing things just because I can. 

God bless my family who eats my concoctions.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

This is hilarious and I TOTALLY relate! I just conciously realized this about myself the other day, I am incapable of following a recipe exactly. I must change, substitute, exclude.