After a very long weekend, I am finally back home from BlogHer. I’d have checked in here sooner, but I had NO INTERNET. At a conference. For bloggers. Yeah. It was crummy.
I took yesterday to recover and spend time with my family. Today, I’m playing Pizza Palace non-stop researching, writing, and getting back into the swing of things. I expect this will be a busy week as we start back to school again tomorrow after almost a full month off.
The conference was awesome! I met a ton of great people, had fantastic roomies (Heather & Meg…my little piece of Oklahoma). Meg, I would like to now officially apologize for grabbing your legs and begging you to take me with you as you were leaving to go back to Tulsa. It was kind of you to nicely kick me off instead of just dragging me through the terminal. Please understand. It’s just that I miss Oklahoma. And this weekend YOU were Oklahoma…at least to me.
I also picked up more junk that I know what to do with some great swag! Oh the swag. There are truly no words to describe BlogHer swag to someone who loves freebies. It was almost overwhelming. Like had so much it filled an entire queen bed and began sliding down creating a “swagalanche” overwhelming. Not that I’m complaining.
We got to see a little of Chicago on Sunday and I finally met a long-time online friend. Finally. I also had my first-ever real Chicago pizza. We went to Giordano’s. Oh. My. Gosh. It was awesome! I was honestly afraid I wouldn’t like Chicago-style pizza. Maybe it was because we were at one of the best places in Chicago, but I loved the pizza! I want more!
The most surprising parts of the conference, were to be had in the elevator. Who’da thunk? (I think I just created a new word.) I wandered into an elevator wondering what the women coming off were laughing & yelling about. I soon found out…on my shoe. My roommates debated kicking my vomit-covered self (okay…just the bottom of my shoe) out for the night, but they gave in & let me sleep in the room.
I think they only agreed to let me stay because they knew I’d recently seen a psychotherapist. Against my will. In the elevator. She graciously treated me to a free session. Against my will. In the elevator. In said session, she educated me on the evils of blogging. At a blogging conference. In the elevator. Apparently, my blogging will cause harm to come to myself or my loved ones. Was that a threat? A promise? Studies will be out soon to prove her thoughts. I hope they aren’t studies done after SHE’S stalked us, killed us, and buried us all in the sand-pool. Perhaps there’s a reason “psycho” goes before her title? I’m just sayin’. ‘Cause who gives unwanted free sessions…In an ELEVATOR! All I can say is I’ve NEVER been more happy to see my floor. Even if it wasn’t my floor. Just the first one the elevator stopped at. So I could get out of my therapy session. In the elevator.
My absolute favorite part of the entire conference, however, was when my husband called me and I answered the phone with, “Hi, Sexy”…and was met with my oldest daughter’s voice. Lovely. Stellar parent? Yeah. That’d be me. Yet another reason why we are saving to pay for our children’s future counseling.
It’s good to be back! Hope your weekend was as good as mine!
-Me

And I'm really excited! I'm packed. The kids are packed (for a day at their friend's house while Daddy works).



What do you think?

-Me

I've gotten e-mails and messages from several of you wondering WHAT on earth "BlogHer" is. And when the people demand, who am I to let them down? Your wish, is my command. Okay. Enough with the cheesy cliches.

BlogHer is a group of women bloggers. Once a year we get together in a MAJOR party blog fest. We abandon our families completely leave our family well taken care of for four days.

Before we leave, we engage in shady activities such as shoe porn. No. This isn't really porn. Of any kind. It's just girls posting the shoes they'll be wearing at BlogHer. But that doesn't sound as fun now does it?

Many women stress out about what they'll wear. For some, it's because they don't like the way they look. For others, like me, it's because we have nothing acceptable to wear in public when we don't have children with us to blame for the way we look. And/or we're mildly uncomfortable about having approximately 1500 cameras rolling 24/7 while they're in said clothes that have been blessed by children. Wearing them is one thing. Being caught on camera wearing them so that you can't later deny you did so is another altogether.

At BlogHer, we learn nifty new things about how to make our blogs spiffier (is that a word?). We also go to parties (like one or two...at least) after the conference is done each day. At those parties (and during the conference, and before the conference, and after the conference, and anywhere inbetween) sponsors try to sweet talk us into trying their products. They do so by presenting us with swag! LOTS of swag! And we LIKE IT! We like swag VERY much!

And thus is my summary of BlogHer.

If you're tired of hearing about it, the good news is that you'll only have to put up with it for another week or so. And then I'll have gone and I'll be back. Until then, you might hear about it a couple more times. Please bear with me; and then we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program. (Which includes a line-by-line anaylsis of the healthcare plan. You up for it? I'm almost done!)

-Me

Because. You know. I like to talk about that.

It's not that I want to be naked. It's more that I don't want to hear the hilarious laughter coming from people as they see me attempting to fit into clothes that no woman who weighs...ahem....3 kids more than I used to...should be wearing.

(You didn't really think I'd tell you how much I weigh did you?) I'll give you a hint. Sticking with my favorite theme, I weigh at least 129lbs.

You can stop laughing now.

No. Really.

So. Back to my naked butt at BlogHer. (And the number of people who will run screaming from the hotel as a result.)

Here's the problem. I have clothes. Plenty of them. I do NOT, however, have clothes that do not have some sort of food on them from some little being.

I am also cheap, and as such will not be running out to my nearest boutique to find new clothes just for BlogHer. (Not that any clothes from a place named "boutique" would fit me anyway.) I find I shop best at the, "There's No Way You Weigh JUST 129lbs and You're Fooling Yourself if You Think a Woman Weighs That Much After JUST 3 Kids" store.

Unfortunately, even at that store I find that they truly deal in the "big" woman. As in they think all women who weigh over 129lbs are also giants in the height department. Being barely 5ft tall myself means this can pose a problem. It's not pretty. Trust me.

This is why when I find something I like, I buy 5 of it. You might think I'm wearing the same thing every day. I can assure you, I'm not. I'm simply wearing my THIRD version of this outfit today. It's simply coincidence that this one has the same stains as the other two. It's a gift. Hey. It works. Talk to me after you have YOUR 3rd child. THEN, we'll see who's laughing...as you try to fit into your "skinny" jeans.

Look there is no skinny after 3 children. Your body does unmentionable things. As does nursing those 3 children. I'll stop right there, before the grotesque pictures become overwhelming. Let's just say that God didn't design certain things to touch your knees. Yet they do.

To solve my problem, I will hit up every thrift & consignment store within 100 miles during the next 3 weeks. I will weed out clothes that I and other mothers donated because they had so many stains no reasonable person would even think about wearing them again. I will try on the 3 that are left. Hopefully one of them will fit me and look reasonably decent.

I will also spend time shopping at Target (the only "real" store that has cheaper clothes that might fit me). There, I will weed out all of the clothes intended for women with the body of a 13yr old boy. I will try on the 2 that are left there.

Hopefully one of those 5 articles of clothing I'll try on will fit. If not, I'll be naked. And Lord help us all if that happens!

-Me

I'm going to BlogHer in approximately 25 days (but who's counting?).